Tuesday Run Report – Thanksgiving Fatstravaganza Edition

That’s right. Everything from Thanksgiving week all bundled into one dumpster fire enormous blog post! Buckle up friends… it’s about to get real.

Tuesday – 4.5 Miles, FAILLLLL

Yup. You read that right. After six straight weeks of perfect training, I finally had to skip a run.

I knew it would happen eventually, but I figured it would be due to some sort of “life event”… you know, traveling for the holidays, or staying late at work, or getting mobbed by wild pigeons.

Instead, it was injury. My right calf seized up about 1/10th of a mile into Tuesday’s run, and I couldn’t even hobble, let alone run. Thankfully I was still pretty close to my house.

BUT FEAR NOT! Nothing gonna keep me down for long.

Sarah will be the first to tell you that telling me that I can’t do something makes me 1,000% determined to do just that.

In this case, it was my body telling me that I needed to slow down, take it easy, and rest for a bit – and that I couldn’t run.

I was seething. I understand that “things happen,” but my body failing me? That was infuriating. I felt betrayed.

My sullen reaction when a friend tried to console me with, “hey! it happens to everyone! it’s just ONE run!”

And so I did the only thing I could do (besides tear stuff up and punch holes in the wall) – I worked on it.

I mashed with a foam roller. I poked and prodded with a lacrosse ball. I bought a 20# bag of ice and took an ice bath. I stretched and stretched and stretched.

Did it work? What happened?! Well… better read on to find out because CLIFFHANGER.


Wednesday – 3 Miles, FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL

Well, at least this one was an honest to God “life event”.

I already get up at the ass-crack of dawn (5AM) to get to work, and so I sure as hell wasn’t going to wake up even earlier to run in the pitch dark coldness.

My reaction when I realized that the only way I’d get my Wednesday run done would be if I got up at 3:30 to run in the pitch black coldness outside.

Wednesday was a whirlwind of activity. Work was insane, and a last-minute mix-up meant that I spent the second half of the day feverishly trying to find an open boarding facility to take Ellie before we flew out to Omaha that evening.

Yeah, you try finding an open boarding facility the DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.

Every boarding facility’s reaction when I called to see if they had an opening.

Miraculously, I did end up finding one – Cowtown Canines, which I’ve since discovered is 100% the best dog-related anything in Fort Worth. Their “boarding” includes cage-free monitored playtime with the other “campers” ALL DAY plus TLC from the “camp counselors” (humans). This in stark contrast to most of the other boarding facilities I called, who wanted the same amount of money to keep Ellie in a crate all day except for two or three pee breaks.

As a consequence of this happy accident, Ellie ended up having a fantastic Thanksgiving vacation too, which really really makes me happy.



Oh thank God. At least it wasn’t three “fails” in a row.

Thanksgiving morning started the way I wish every morning would start: at 9AM in my jammies with Sarah stuffing my face with homemade cinnamon rolls and watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV.

I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty hardcore.

After Santa arrived (obviously the best part of the parade), Sarah and I drove over to Anytime Fitness to use their treadmills.

Now, normally I eschew treadmill running in favor of being outside (I think treadmills, mile for mile, are a way easier run than doing it outside) but in this particular case:

Nope. Nope nope nope nope. Nope. Not going outside in Omaha ever again.

Nope. Nope nope nope nope. Nope. Not going outside in Omaha ever again.

So treadmill it was, because if you recall, this is how it went the LAST time I tried to run outside in the Omaha winter:

Thankfully (and I know you’ve been waiting on baited breath), my right calf didn’t give me ANY trouble at all. Clearly beating it into submission on Tuesday afternoon/evening did the trick. That or the two days of rest. But I’m not counting that because rest is for people who don’t get injured all the time suckers.

It was a fantastic run, and I kept an easy 9:30 pace, although I doubt I could replicate that outside where there are things like potholes and hills and wind and assassins.

Sarah is also gearing up for a 10k that we’re doing in two weeks (the “Some Like it Cold” 10k… anyone else doing it?), so she ran as well and did GREAT. I’m really proud of her! (Plus with all of that running she’s looking extra foxy.)

After the run, it was time to stuff our faces and unbutton our pants. And by that I mean eat Thanksgiving dinner – a smorgasbord of delicious treats that Sarah’s mom and dad whipped up. Oh my God it was all so good.

My face when I found out that there was a TWENTY EIGHT pound turkey AND an entire ham.

I ate so much. I’m really, REALLY glad I took my run BEFORE Thanksgiving dinner, because immediately afterwards I straight-up turned into Carter the Hutt.

Poor Sarah. I don’t know how she does it.


Sunday – 8 Miles, CHECK!

We returned to the Anytime Fitness Treadmill Emporium for this run because warmth is illegal in Nebraska between the months of November and March, and guys, this run was HARD.

Which I’m certain had absolutely nothing to do with how much I ate and drank over the preceding three days. Nothing at all. Nothing to see here. Move along.


I kept a 10:00 mile pace, but only just, and I’m CERTAIN that I wouldn’t have kept that pace out on the road, even in good weather. Heck, I might not even have finished if I weren’t on a treadmill.

Aside from the run itself being hard (which was my own damn fault), there was only one other minor annoyance: the treadmill was pre-programmed to shut off after 30 minutes (I guess to give other people a chance to use it).

Did that stop me? Of course not, because rules are for chumps.

This meant that every 3 miles or so (okay, only twice, but just let me complain), I had to wait for the track to spool down, the machine to reset, and then start running again.

Either way, I did it (and it’s the farthest I’ve ever run ever in my life), so I’m-a call this one “good” in my book!

Also, not to be forgotten, Lightning McSchimpff (Sarah) did five miles like it was totally NBD. She is so impressive, and I know she’s gonna KILL that 10k!

Later that evening on our flight back to Fort Worth, we ended up sitting right around some kids from TCU heading back to Cowtown for some more schoolin’. I was pretty excited to have some fellow Horned Frogs around me until it turned out that they were pretty big dicks.

Especially the guy next to me. He spent the entire flight eating crunchy food out of crinkly bags (seriously did you not get enough food on Thursday or what?) and then he very nearly pushed Sarah back down into her seat as he bullied his way past when we were deplaning, even though he was behind her.

What happened to being a gentleman, Horned Frog? Ladies first. Jesus. Amateur hour over here.

As we passed by him (standing in the MIDDLE of the concourse so that everyone had to walk around Mr. Important) on our way to the baggage claim area, I called him a douche under my breath. I’m not proud of it, but it DID make me feel better. Plus Sarah laughed, so I’ll call it a win.

It was a drive-by douching.

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About Carter Schimpff

Husband. Marketer. Fort Worth runner. TCU alum. Rugger. CrossFit enthusiast. Running enthusiast. Blogger. Aspiring Ironman. Occasionally offensive. Unintentionally (un)funny.

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